Archive

BAD

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Stephen Norrington. This movie was highly anticipated by me when it came out. I remember coming out of the cinema and thought it was crap. I found it on a lost HD and gave it another shot, but I was right the first time. It is in the premier league of crap. It is a true shame, since Alan Moore who made the comic on which this movie is based is an excellent storyteller. But this is just not even funny to watch. Painful in all respects. Interestingly the director had a good start to his career, but I am guessing Hollywood punished him (although it did reasonable at the box office) for this movie since he has not directed anything since. Perhaps the pressure of ruining an Alan Moore story does this to a man.  (2003)

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The Three Stooges. Farrelly Brothers. Hilariously I did not even laugh once. Oh wait, I did at the credits. It is the most funny moment when they have two actors pretending to be the directors explaining kids to not do it at home. The movie is a remake from the The Three Stooges era many decades ago. Slapstick just does not work anymore and that is why I failed to laugh once. I resented that since the Farrelly Brothers may have made the most funny movie ever (Dumb and Dumber). I guess these guys wanted to remake it out of melancholy and I am happy for them that they found three actors who ‘got’ The Three Stooges completely. Forgettable and perhaps funny if you are 6 years old. (2012)

 

Cleanskin. Hadi Hajaig. Yeah well. I lost the plot when the hooker had to do something and a guy walked into a hotel with a gun and then this other guy was like wow stop him…
Anyway, I forget the best thing, This movie is symbolized by the highest ‘dropped gun; count ever. I think they all had green soap on their hands. But before I digress even further, Sean Bean is an actor, Tom Burke is an actor. The rest of the cast are actors too! Good ones even! So far so good. Now for the other part that is necessary for a movie, a story! This was assembled by grabbing all bits and pieces from thriller movies and spy books and paste them together with an Ouija board. I think Sean Bean won in the end. (2012)

Lockout. James Mather & Stephen St. Leger. Based on an original (can’t remember if it said that)  idea from Luc Besson. Well that says it all really. Luc is very Hollywood considering he is french and that does not help him a lot. The hits are sporadic and this one is a miss. The story is boring, repetitive and predictable. Even hiring some top actors like Guy Pearce cannot hide the boring blabla this movie serves you. I guess hiring top writers should be next on the todo list for Besson, rumor has it some producers in Hollywood actually hire top writers, maybe he can copy that too. (2012)

American Reunion. Jon Hurwitz.

  • 2 tsp very hot women
  • 1/4 tsp Stifler
  • 2 cups Levinstein cream (or one 7 oz jar)
  • 1/2 cup Finch
  • 1/3 cup powdered Michelle
  • 1/2 tsp Oz

If you like this recipe, you like this movie. If you however have taste, you avoid this recipe. (2012)

Safe house. Daniel Espinosa. The actors are capable of good performances. Denzel always does Denzel and Reynolds well he is doing something that is ok. I think the problem with this movie is that there is just not enough good other stuff that is needed to make it good. Safe house has its moments, but lacks in execution. The director had his career start out of relative nowhere into Hollywood with this movie but I think he was most likely a bit reserved with many of his decisions. This movie is just a what the title implies, a safe thing. It never grew out of the foundations that the two actors gave it. (2012)

I am number four. D. J. Caruso. I am not interested in number one, two or three and certainly not number four. I dont really have anything to say about this movie besides that it was crap and bad. I did not get the story or wanted to get it, the plot is pointless, the characters are idiots and the rest is all load of BS. Still it did make money and paid the mortgage for some of the people that worked on it, so I guess that was good. Anything else, would be giving it too much credit but in the end that is all that counts perhaps, paying some bills for the people who worked on it. (2011)